ohwang music

This song means a lot to me because it expresses the doubt I have as a Christian. I know it is okay to doubt, but the feeling is still unpleasant otherwise. I wrote this song doubting if I was even a Christian based on my behavior of not reading the Bible and doing things to please me (sin). Oftentimes I feel like I am not good enough for God and doubt if I’m even saved: that all of my experiences and feelings relating to God were all fake and He never knew me. I also sometimes wonder about my purpose in life when I think about if I’m a Christian or not. 

Lyrics: 

V1

I feel like a fraud

Cause I feel like I don’t worship God

God am I a victim, or am I just sinning 

I feel like a fraud like not a real Christian 

Barely read the Bible anymore 

You can kick me out the door, of the invitation make me go to hell 

God, am I a Christian anymore 

Does it matter do I matter now 

What am I on this earth for, losing hope to live now 

Ch

God, are you listening 

How long do I have to wait for your answer 

Cause the earth’s running on your time not mine 

God are you listening please give me some sort of sign that you’re not just in my mind 

That you’re in real life that you’re real at all

V2

I feel like a sinner not a real Christian 

Losing my salvation every day 

Like I’m not on the rock like I’m losing my way 

Like I’m trying to make the fire out of wet wood 

And it never works 

Like I’m waiting I’m waiting but I never hear you 

Like I’m wishing and wishing but do you listen 

Where is the Holy Spirit did it leave me 

Where is my faith did it leave me

What is my life now without faith

I wish I could keep it in me 

Lyric analysis/commentary:

You can kick me out the door, of the invitation make me go to hell

I’m referring to the Parable of the Wedding Banquet in Matthew 22. Here are some excerpts from the parable.

“The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.” (Matthew 22:2-3 NIV)

“Then he said to his servants, ‘The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come.’” (Matthew 22:8 NIV)

Like I’m trying to make the fire out of wet wood / And it never works

Actually, I looked up if you can make fire out of wet wood and it is possible. So I have hope that I can have fire for God even if I’m a sinner.